The excerpt below is from our webinar “Strengths and Challenges for Siblings of Individuals with Duchenne” with guest speaker Emily Holl. Emily Holl is the Director of the Sibling Support Project. Click here to listen to the full episode.
So many siblings are these little helpers and, in many cases, derive a lot of gratification and joy and pride from helping… and at the same time, it can take its toll.
Sometimes this comes up as adults because of being a caregiver or helping out so much as a child, they learn to put their own needs second. It catches up to them later in life in terms of being able to prioritize themselves and take care of themselves and feel that their own needs are valid.
So, whenever I talk with parents or people working with young siblings, I often see them do things like patting the kiddo on the shoulder and saying, “Wow, you’re such a great helper!” which is so often our tendency.
“Wow, I’ve noticed you help out with your sibling so much. What is that like for you?“
I think it’s really helpful to leave it a little bit more open and to say something like, “Wow, I’ve noticed you help out with your sibling so much. What is that like for you?” Because that opens up this possibility that caregiving isn’t just one experience, it’s not just, “awesome, you’re a great kiddo.” But it’s also not only, “Helping out must be so hard and terrible.”
But ask that question more than once because on any given day, it might be great and gratifying and amazing and wonderful… or it might be really hard and stinky and “I don’t like doing it.” And even that might change from, you know, hour to hour, just depending…
So, when a child is caregiving for his or her sibling, it can be a really, really important thing be open to hearing what that’s like for that sibling.
