Thank you to the author of this webpage Heather Benbrook. Heather is a Licensed Professional Counselor in the state of Texas. She also has a decade of experience as a school counselor.
Grief is like a snowflake. No two experiences are the same and every one is unique.
Sometimes grief will be like the snowstorm in the winter that comes out of nowhere and piles up snow all around and stays for a long time. Sometimes grief is like a little trickle of snowflakes that gently fall from the sky and stick to us for just a moment.
Either way, grief can feel like a cold, lonely, and hard time in our lives when we are faced with it. Just like winter, grief can have its ups and downs along the way, especially during the holidays.
Holiday Grief
Grief during the holidays is all around us. We grieve the changes in the weather, stressors that come with gatherings, financial obligations and burdens that can come with gift giving and the memories of loved ones that are no longer with us.
Grief for individuals, friends, and family with Duchenne can be exacerbated simply from the grief of daily stressors combined with the other changes and losses during the season and holidays. Many times, the idea of gatherings causes anxiety or feelings of isolation because of environmental space, mobility, and wheelchair access to the family member’s or friend’s house and the lack of understanding of Duchenne and the needs of the individual. Also, the financial strain of the season and gift giving combined with medical expenses, doctor’s visits, and others, can feel overwhelming and sometimes not possible.
The holidays are also a time where loss hits a little harder. Whether it is someone that died a long time ago or recently, the holidays and this season cause us to remember that they are no longer with us and reflect on memories with them. Although many of the memories might be positive, the emotions that hit us can feel more heightened than normal due to the higher emotional intensity with the raised stressors that the season brings.
Acknowledging Your Grief
With all this being said, it is even more important to reflect, be mindful, and take care of ourselves during this time of the year. Here are some ideas on how to do that.
- Remember to check in with yourself. Do a body scan to see where you are feeling the stress the most. Many people tend to feel it in their shoulders, neck, back, and gut. Our spinal cords are connected to our gut or intestinal track all throughout, so when we have increased stress response and higher cortisol levels, we can experience intestinal distress. Being mindful of that is important because it can truly make us feel terrible if not regulated.
- Know that it is ok to say no. Setting boundaries and not attending an event is ok. Knowing your own limits is important.
- Getting enough sleep is important. Our mood is directly affected by getting adequate sleep. The holidays tend to have longer hours despite time change. Stores are open later, we have more gatherings and we tend to stay up later watching those holiday movies.
- Talking about our emotions, lost loved ones, and memories is also important during these times. Holding in our emotions results in less satisfaction and increased sadness, anger, depression, and anxieties. Remember to let it out.
- Gratitude as we have talked about before has been shown to increase optimism, happiness, and life satisfaction as well. Remember to find at least 3, even if minor, things that you are grateful for daily.
If you would like to look more into how to deal with grief during the season, please check out these resources.
